Excerpt from Rag Doll: Delilah's Story

Delilah lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling with Annie in her arms. “It’s just us Annie, just like always.”  She closed her eyes and dozed off without realizing it.

            “Daddy’s home!”  Daddy’s booming voice bounced off the walls of their home as he came through the door.  Delilah, having learned to walk only a month earlier ran awkwardly into his outstretched arms.  “Dadda”.  Daddy twirled his little girl around and laughed.  “Daddy has something for his angel.”  He reached just outside the door and brought a bag in.  He pulled a rag doll with red hair and blue and white dress out of the bag.  “Here is my angel her very own Raggedy Ann doll”.  Delilah’s chubby baby hands reached for the pretty doll and hugged her tight.  “Baby, baby” she sang.          Quickly the time changes and Delilah, now four years old is sitting in the floor of her room holding her Annie tight trying to shut out the sounds of her parents screaming.  “It’s okay Annie, Daddy will take care of us.”

            “GET OUT!  Just get the hell out” her mother screamed.  “I don’t need you any way.”

            “Look, you need some help.  That’s all I’m saying.  You’re a drunk and god only knows what else you do when I’m gone.  And don’t you think I’ve seen the bruises on Delilah.”

            “Delilah!  that’s all you worry about is that stupid baby.  Well, I’m the one here with her whiny ass all the time.  Why do you think I drink?  You said you’d get us away from this hell hole but you didn’t!”  The sound of glass shattering only caused Delilah to hold tighter to her Annie.  “That’s right, walk out.  That’s all a man is good for any way.”

            Daddy came into Delilah’s room and held her close.  “Daddy has to go on a trip now angel girl but I’ll be back soon to get you okay.  I love you so much.”

            Delilah watched through the grease smeared window of the kitchen as her Daddy got in his car.  Tears ran down her chubby cheeks.  She looked at her mother who was opening another bottle of stinky drink.  “Daddy?” 

            “Shut the hell up.  Your precious daddy is gone and I hope he never comes back.  Shut up that sniveling.  I could have been gone long before now if it hadn’t been for you.  I said shut up!”  Delilah reeled backwards from the backhand her mother delivered across her little face.  Quickly she got up, grabbed Annie and ran to her room.  Her mother didn’t usually stop with just one mean hand.  She got as close to the wall as she could and held on to Annie when she saw her mother in the doorway.  She had the stinky drink in one hand and the stinky smokey stick in the other.  “You know what happens to little girls who don’t shut up like they are supposed to don’t you?  They get punished.  You didn’t shut up so now you have to be punished.”  She walked slowly to Delilah and held the stinky stick out.  Delilah buried her head on top of Annie’s stuffed head.

My Little Corner

I crawl up in the corner where it is dark.  Pull my knees up and put my head down.  Can you see me?  I don’t want you to.  I want to hide from the world.  In my little corner no one talks to me, no one wants anything from me.  It is just me and the darkness.  Solitude.  I close my eyes and it is just me in my little piece of the world.  All me. 

Book Banning and My Thoughts on the Subject.

Below are some books that have been banned in various locations.  The descriptions and comments come from an article that ran in the Huffington Post.  I am following these with my own comments and thoughts in parenthesis.  Here we go!
1. THE DICTIONARY: Both the Merriam Webster and the American Heritage Dictionaries have been banned in various schools. The Merriam Webster was banned in a California elementary school in January 2010 for its definition of oral sex. "It's just not age appropriate," a district representative said.
 (Yes people the dictionary.  I mean really now?  The fact that an educator would follow through with the banning of the dictionary is just in and of itself absolutely moronic.  There are a lot of words in the dictionary that aren't age appropriate for various ages but do they realize that by banning a DICTIONARY, they are banning knowledge?  Do they not think in this day and time a kid can't google the words "oral sex" and get a heck of a lot more than a definition as a result?).
2.John Steinbeck's "Grapes of Wrath: An immediate and huge bestseller, the classic depicting poverty and the struggles of migrant workers was and often still is banned for obscenity and for the negative light in which the country was painted.
 (I am pretty sure we know why they don't want this read.  The same things are still taking place today--poverty and struggles of both migrant workers and natural born citizens, obscenity??  Give me a break--put your television on even basic channels like NBC, CBS, and ABC these days and hear all kinds of words but Heaven forbid you read one in a book!  The negative light in which a country is painted?  Good grief look at our government and country today!  We are on our way to hell in a handbasket, banning a book that speaks on such subject matter isn't going to speed up the process for crying out loud!)
3. William Steig's Sylvester and the Magic Pebble: The Illinois Police Association, along with 11 other states, tried to get libraries to remove this book in 1977 because it portrays policemen as pigs.
(It is a children's story and children respond to character's that are animals.  Richard Scarry also portrayed different professions using animals as well.  SO WHAT???  I mean do we really think a chicken walked around screaming the sky is falling?  Of course not so are children really going to think of police as pigs?  A book isn't the only place they will hear that reference.  If their parents are educating them about history and various counter culture movements they'll see it there as well.  What are we going to do ban any reference to the Hippie movement, civil rights movement, and protests? Heck I probably just gave some idiot an idea!)
4/5. Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye AND Beloved: The winner of the Nobel Prize in literature has had her books banned for obscene language and gratuitous violence in many parts of the country. The battle isn't over.
(Okay I happen to absolutely love both of these books and many others by Toni Morrison.  She is a literary genius.  She writes from the perspective often times of an African-American woman in the south, in poverty, in REALITY.  She uses language that is said--not sugarcoated.  Again, put a television on any channel, watch a video game, you will see and hear the same things.  What do you want the world in a bubble?  She has won the Nobel Prize in Literature for crying out loud and they are going to ban her writing?  Keep on fighting Toni!)
6. Bill Martin, Jr's Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you See? :This beloved children's book was banned in January 2010 by the Texas Board of Education because the author has the same name as an obscure Marxist theorist, and no one bothered to check if they were actually the same person.
(Okay if the explanation itself is not enough to show the pure ignorance that comes with book banning I don't know what does!  Just because of the author's name??? And what is Marxist theory that which shall not be spoken in Texas school systems?  The fact that a STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION did this without bothering to even do a google search and hit up old Wikipedia makes me really sad for the state of Texas and the children subjected to that ignorance in their school systems.  Those poor children.)
7/8. Roald Dahl's James and the Giant Peach and The Witches: "James" was banned for obscenity and violence, while "The Witches" was banned for sexism and devaluing the life of a child.
(James and the Giant Peach can't be read as a book, but can be viewed by millions of children as an animated full feature film????  Wonder how many of the schools that don't have it on the bookshelves of their library have allowed it to be shown on VHS or DVD in the classroom?  What is even more depressing is that children who see the movie are probably not even aware it was adapted from a book!)
9. Anne Frank's The Diary of a Young Girl:Anne Frank's diary has been banned on multiple occasions. The most recent was in January 2010 when the book was pulled from a Virginia school for "sexually explicit" and "homosexual" themes.
(Yes let's pull a book that grips a reader's heart and hopefully teaches them to have empathy for fellow man as a young girl describes her ordeal as she tries to survive the Holacaust because we can't have anything sexual or homosexual related in our schools.  Granted this shouldn't be read by first or second graders, but by the time children get to middle and high school they are learning about the Holacaust--I would hope--and I'm sure they know what homosexuality is--whether they agree with it or not, so they are mature enough to handle this book.  Banning books like this and keeping those types of horrifying events from the hands of the future will only lead to something like it happening again.)
10. Louisa May Alcott's Little Women: Not easy to figure out why this one was banned, but it may have been that the strongest woman character marries a boring and much older man--counter to feminism.
(Little Women?  A threat?  To what?????  As someone who considers myself a feminist I would never support taking this book--or any book in case you haven't figured it out yet---from the shelves.  If anything you can use books such as this to help teach young women they don't have to depend on a man for survival, they can do anything and be anything they want by their own efforts.  Banning this book just baffles my mind).
11/12. Ernest Hemingway's A Farewll to Arms and For Whom the Bell Tolls: How times have changed. "A Farewell to Arms" was banned for sexual content and "For Whom the Bell Tolls" because it was seen as pro-communist.
(Oh good grief!  Again, I've read both of these books and these books are so mild when compared to just what happens around us and on the news.  When books like these are banned I have to think the person challenging them hasn't even read them!)
 13. Shel Silverstein's A Light in the Attic: Banned in 1993 at an elementary school in Florida because it "promotes disrespect, horror, and violence," soon became one of the most banned books of the 1990s.
(I admit I've not read this one, but I can promise you it is on my to buy list now!  A book does not promote disrespect, horror or violence--a homelife will, lack of parenting will, sitting a child in front of a television playing graphic video games full of zombies and demons will--reading a book won't).
14. Madeline L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time: Because it's a tale of the battle of good and evil, many were concerned it was making a religious argument they didn't want their children exposed to.
(Wait isn't the Bible full of stories about a battle between good and evil?  Do we not teach our children from the time they are babies about good vs. evil and we want to be good people and prevail on the good side?  I mean help me out here--would this not be a great and valuable tool to oh I don't know use to actually engage in a conversation with our children?  Am I just expecting too much from parents these days?)

So as you can tell I do not believe in book banning or censorship.  I may not always agree with the subject matter and I may not like what it says however I do not believe in one person or a group of people having the right to determine for me whether or not it should be available for myself or my child(ren).  Instead of removing the books from bookshelves use them to engage in conversation over why we don't find the subject matter appropriate and educate ourselves and our children.  Yes, this requires parents to actually "man up" and PARENT and take an active, participatory role in their child and the development of that child's education, ideals, morals, and view on the world.  I think maybe that is the problem--too many parents want to shirk the responsibility to someone else and let them determine what is right and wrong for their child.  Not me buddy.  I want my child to know there is a huge world out there full of differences and we should make ourselves aware of those differences.  To make one's self aware does not mean to embrace, it just means you are not ignorant to the world around you and despite the saying--ignorance is NOT bliss.  Ignorance is compliance and I will not comply or conform to someone else's ideals and philosophies just because someone says I should.
STOP BOOK BANNING!!!!

Darkness

I was in a slightly melancholy mood this morning when I woke up and these first couple of lines came to me.  I haven't written a poem in quite some time, a couple of years I'd even venture to say.  But this is what I came up with today.  Enjoy.

My world of darkness

Soundless screams struggle

Against the muted mouth

Helpless hands fight

Against the restraints

Being pushed underneath

Drowning gasping for air

The blackness takes over

No more screams

No more struggle

Darkness

It is over now

--copyright 2011

In Honor of My Daughter's Birthday

       I  remember the day I found out you were on your way. That was the day that changed my life forever. It was the day I stopped putting me first and knew that a great thing would grace this world. Then you were here. The most beautiful thing I ever laid my eyes upon, a head of gorgeous black hair, the most beautiful, bright eyes, and fat rolls everywhere! The cutest smile to every shine on the earth. I held you in my arms and knew you were special.

As you grew you reinforced every thought I had the day you were born. As impossible as it sounds, the most beautiful baby became more beautiful. That precious smile was ever present. The smallest and most simple things made you happy. You never fussed and you never cried. You were mama's little helper.

Not only were you smart, but talented as well. You danced your way into the hearts of everyone you came into contact with. You are a shining star.

Now my baby is growing up and turning into a beautiful, smart, talented, determined young lady. It's more fun to hang out with friends than it is with Mama now. Just remember you are always going to be my baby and I will always love you more than life itself.

You once said as we passed a movie theater marquee "One day my name will be on that board. I'm gonna be a star and everyone will know my name". You are already a star in my eyes and one day soon the whole world will know your name.

I love you.

Mama

I hope that every wish you make comes true and know that Daddy and I will always support you and have your back in everything you do. 

\

You Can't Fix Stupid

It is a sad state of affairs when you come to the realization that as a whole, it seems the population is dumbing down. Stupid comes in various shapes, sizes, and forms. I will give children a pass since children learn from their parent's example, and well they just aren't old enough to know better in most cases. However if you are over the age of 18 you don't get a free stupid pass from me.

Stupidity is never more evident than on the highway, in Wal-Mart and sadly on a college campus.

Let's examine this more closely. First if you are on the highway, hell any road for that matter, and there is a car beside you and you look and SEE this car beside you, that is clue number one you don't just change lanes right then. Your second clue you shouldn't have done it is me laying on my horn and giving you the finger. Oh and don't think I won't follow you either and stop when you stop to tell you off. That is clue number three. Also, you know 9 times out of 10 you can turn right on red when the traffic is clear so TURN when the traffic is clear. And another thing. If you are in a turning lane and there is a green light and no traffic coming from the opposite direction, you can go! You don't have to wait for the little green arrow to tell you, you can. The green circle will do just fine. And, don't blow your horn for a car to go as soon as the light turns green. You know there are mechanics involved to getting a car to move forward-it doesn't do it automatically at a green light.

Now the stupidity you find in Wal-Mart. You can find it easier than anything else in Wal-Mart that's for sure! All one has to do is enter the parking lot. After you dodge about four or five toddlers roaming freely in the parking lot with a mother screaming over her shoulder at them to hurry up-WITHOUT TAKING THEM BY THE HAND IN A VERY BUSY PARKING LOT WITH MOVING VEHICLES-you know you have entered the land of the stupid. Then you have the actual store. Don't ask a greeter anything-I mean anything. They look at you like you have sprouted a second head or something. Then you have little Johnny screaming for a toy across the store and his mother screaming even louder at him to shut up because everyone can hear him. Yeah, Ma, everyone can hear you too. But this is the biggie. You are in a checkout line. You know that payment is expected at the conclusion of your check-out. Therefore it would make sense to have your wallet/checkbook/credit card in hand BEFORE the cashier finishes ringing up your items, loading them into the buggy for you, and telling you your total. I would think so. But noooo. You decide to wait until all of that is done before putting your purse (which is usually ugly anyway) on the counter, pulling out everything you own, digging around to find whatever source you will use to pay for your items, and then finally paying. Then everyone has to wait for you to put all five thousand items back into your ugly purse before you will take the receipt and get the heck out of the way! And this is usually in the Express lane too!

Now stupid is also evident in a college classroom. When someone doesn't know who Condellezza Rice, the state governor, hell  who the University Chancellor is--you do not belong in a college classroom. You are taking a seat that someone with more than two brain cells could actually use. Secondly if you think there are more than one species of humans, you don't need to be in a college classroom. If the biggest thing in your life is how drunk you are going to get tonight and hot that fraternity guy across the aisle from you is, you don't need to be in a college classroom. And finally if you are 19-20 years old and think it is cute to sit and twirl you hair, talk as loud as you can, and constantly have to discuss the deep significance and relevance of Orlando Bloom's "hotness" while smacking your bubblicious-you don't need to be in a college classroom, at least not with me if you don't want your feelings hurt.

So, in conclusion, "no you cannot fix stupid". However you can SHOOT them and hopefully get em all!  (That last part is a total joke by the way!).

Meet Roxie

Roxie, with the long black hair and the flashing eyes. 

     She has always marched to the beat of her own drum and became the outcast in the process.  Preferring haunting goth music over the Billboard Top 40 she was ridiculed and called names by those around her, including her own mother.  Roxie isn’t your stereotypical “goth girl” however.  She has an infectious laugh, a beautiful smile, a loving and kind nature.  She channels the negative energy thrown her way into her creations—designing and sewing her own clothing, accessories, and her dolls. 

     Yet Roxie hides a secret beneath her long sleeve shirts and ankle length skirts.  Each harsh word and ugly name she has been called has left physical scars on her body.  Sent to Sentience by her mother in an attempt to “make her normal”, Roxie finds herself in a group with other girls who like her struggle to survive in a world that breaks them down at every opportunity. 

     Very different, but a common thread among them, they form a bond.  But is it enough? 

Broken Dolls: The Dead Doll—Roxie’s Story is the second in the Broken Dolls series