Sunday, July 24, 2011

You Can't Fix Stupid

It is a sad state of affairs when you come to the realization that as a whole, it seems the population is dumbing down. Stupid comes in various shapes, sizes, and forms. I will give children a pass since children learn from their parent's example, and well they just aren't old enough to know better in most cases. However if you are over the age of 18 you don't get a free stupid pass from me.

Stupidity is never more evident than on the highway, in Wal-Mart and sadly on a college campus.

Let's examine this more closely. First if you are on the highway, hell any road for that matter, and there is a car beside you and you look and SEE this car beside you, that is clue number one you don't just change lanes right then. Your second clue you shouldn't have done it is me laying on my horn and giving you the finger. Oh and don't think I won't follow you either and stop when you stop to tell you off. That is clue number three. Also, you know 9 times out of 10 you can turn right on red when the traffic is clear so TURN when the traffic is clear. And another thing. If you are in a turning lane and there is a green light and no traffic coming from the opposite direction, you can go! You don't have to wait for the little green arrow to tell you, you can. The green circle will do just fine. And, don't blow your horn for a car to go as soon as the light turns green. You know there are mechanics involved to getting a car to move forward-it doesn't do it automatically at a green light.

Now the stupidity you find in Wal-Mart. You can find it easier than anything else in Wal-Mart that's for sure! All one has to do is enter the parking lot. After you dodge about four or five toddlers roaming freely in the parking lot with a mother screaming over her shoulder at them to hurry up-WITHOUT TAKING THEM BY THE HAND IN A VERY BUSY PARKING LOT WITH MOVING VEHICLES-you know you have entered the land of the stupid. Then you have the actual store. Don't ask a greeter anything-I mean anything. They look at you like you have sprouted a second head or something. Then you have little Johnny screaming for a toy across the store and his mother screaming even louder at him to shut up because everyone can hear him. Yeah, Ma, everyone can hear you too. But this is the biggie. You are in a checkout line. You know that payment is expected at the conclusion of your check-out. Therefore it would make sense to have your wallet/checkbook/credit card in hand BEFORE the cashier finishes ringing up your items, loading them into the buggy for you, and telling you your total. I would think so. But noooo. You decide to wait until all of that is done before putting your purse (which is usually ugly anyway) on the counter, pulling out everything you own, digging around to find whatever source you will use to pay for your items, and then finally paying. Then everyone has to wait for you to put all five thousand items back into your ugly purse before you will take the receipt and get the heck out of the way! And this is usually in the Express lane too!

Now stupid is also evident in a college classroom. When someone doesn't know who Condellezza Rice, the state governor, hell  who the University Chancellor is--you do not belong in a college classroom. You are taking a seat that someone with more than two brain cells could actually use. Secondly if you think there are more than one species of humans, you don't need to be in a college classroom. If the biggest thing in your life is how drunk you are going to get tonight and hot that fraternity guy across the aisle from you is, you don't need to be in a college classroom. And finally if you are 19-20 years old and think it is cute to sit and twirl you hair, talk as loud as you can, and constantly have to discuss the deep significance and relevance of Orlando Bloom's "hotness" while smacking your bubblicious-you don't need to be in a college classroom, at least not with me if you don't want your feelings hurt.

So, in conclusion, "no you cannot fix stupid". However you can SHOOT them and hopefully get em all!  (That last part is a total joke by the way!).

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